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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27174566">What you try to forget</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vasterion/pseuds/Vasterion'>Vasterion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:02:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27174566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vasterion/pseuds/Vasterion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Regrets, fear of harm, and something else, so tender ... This is something that I never want to show to anyone. I can't ... One time was enough for me. Simply put on a mask of indifference ... And not remember what I have been trying to forget for so long ...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What you try to forget</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The past is a lie, there is no way back for memory,<br/>every spring that has passed is irrevocable,<br/>and the craziest and most enduring love is just<br/>transient feeling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel García Márquez.<br/>One Hundred Years of Solitude</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- Mom, where is brother? I didn't find him in the room. The boy asked.</p>
<p>* 2: 24, 2.10.2020 *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- * Shortness of breath * Again this dream.</p>
<p>* Morning, Samir's house *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- Fuck! I slept again! - thought Samir. - That's it, mom, I went to college! The guy shouted with joy, putting on his shoes.<br/>- Good luck darling! Remember that you can find a common language with everyone!<br/>- I remember bye! - answered Samir.<br/>        Trying to hold all the bags in his hands and at the same time get the keys, Samir dropped the black hat, the long bangs rolled down over his eyes and the recently presented smartphone collapsed to the ground with a characteristic crash, causing the screen to crack. And not paying attention to it, he rushed to college.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>        Having run into the right audience, he sat down in his place. And taking out textbooks, he noticed that he forgot to kick at home.<br/>- Heck! I forgot it again! - I thought when I straightened the earring in the form of a cross on my right ear. * Call *<br/>- Hello. Today, we have a new student. His name is Joseph. - said the teacher. “Go sit next to that purple-haired guy.</p>
<p>        Today, Joseph was seated on the next desk. And in my head I remembered an episode of ten years ago. After all, his appearance and name reminded of not very pleasant events ...</p>
<p>* Twenty-two years earlier *</p>
<p>- Mom, dad, who is this? The boy asked.<br/>- This is your new brother. Get to know him. - said my mother, glancing at the guy dressed in a blue samue, covering his arms and legs.<br/>- Hello! I am Samir, and what is your name? - I asked, looking into soulless blue, like doll eyes. His eyes were as deep as the sea in which one could sink forever. And also those freckles on his nose ...<br/>- I am Joseph, how old are you? The boy said quietly.<br/>- 3 - I answered.<br/>- I'm 4. - he said and his answer gave rise to a bunch of questions.<br/>- Okay, boys, we’ll probably go, and you’ll talk here for now. - said my mother and she and her father left the room.<br/>“You are… dead. - unexpectedly for me he answered. And stretched out his hand to me. His touch on my head was incredibly pleasant, but even through my clothes I felt skinny fingers like a skeleton. He seemed to be studying my red hair, fingering every curl, and as if trying to find something.<br/>- Dead ?! I asked apprehensively. “W-why did you decide that?<br/>- Your eyes told me that. - he answered and a very soft and kind smile blossomed on his face.<br/>- Let's be friends? I asked.</p>
<p>*The present*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- Samir! Don't sleep in my lessons! - shouted the teacher of psychology.<br/>- What? I did not sleep ... - I barely said.<br/>- Okay. Then what did I explain?<br/>- You explained about the stages of accepting the inevitable. - I answered. - The first to speak about the stages of acceptance of the inevitable was Elizabeth Ross, an American physician and psychiatrist. She also classified these stages and gave them a characteristic. It is worth noting that initially the acceptance technique was used only in the case of deaths, fatal diseases and other events that affected the concept of death. Also, she wrote a book in which she described all the stages of acceptance and this very book you are now holding in your hands.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- He didn't listen. It could be seen that he was flying in the clouds. Thought Joseph.<br/>- This book describes five stages of acceptance. Such as: denial; anger; bargain; depression; Adoption. The longest and most dangerous part is the depression. After all, people can be at this stage for years and sometimes even a psychologist is useless. - Said Samir and the class applauded.<br/>- Ok, let's continue the lesson. - said the confused teacher.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- Sometimes, it is very useful ... - Samir thought as he sat down in his place. “But it's still disgusting. - he thought, and at that moment he felt the gaze of my neighbor on the desk.<br/>- Why are you staring at me? I asked.<br/>- Yes, so ... I really liked it. - Josaph answered with a sugary mint, right up to the gag reflex smile.<br/>       I decided to get a kitchen knife, which I always carry with me. After all, in the lesson it is better not to get the bat and brass knuckles. And when I took out the knife, he still decided not to look at me and began to read a note thrown by someone.<br/>- I wonder what is written there? - I thought, and began to carefully peep over my shoulder.<br/>       The content of this note did not surprise me in the least:</p>
<p>* Do not communicate with him. I think it's not for nothing that they call him a nutcase *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well-wisher)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>       To be honest, this note was not at all surprising with its content. After all, everyone who was seated next to me was slipped into it. But when I looked at Joseph's face ... A thought flashed through my head. Who is he? A distorted smile on his face ... And in general, his facial expression was so familiar, dear ... But disgusting. And the words sounded in my head: “Go to bed, otherwise you will not get enough sleep and with whom will I go for a walk later? Well, definitely not with beans! " Taking a pencil, I began to draw ...</p>
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